


Distractions

by OnceAndFloral



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Mental Breakdown, Michael's a good friend, Post-Squip, angsty, concerned Michael, me projecting? nah, thanks to the discord for encouraging me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral
Summary: Jeremy started avoiding Michael again, and he isn't about to let his best friend just slip away like that again.





	Distractions

Michael hadn't seen Jeremy at school. No one had. Which made him both feel better and worse. Better because it meant Jeremy wasn't avoiding him again and word because it meant that something was going on here. Okay... just text Jeremy as soon school was over and clear things out. It wasn't too hard. Other than the fact that the hours passed like god damn molasses. That was fine though. Michael handled it until the last bell.

_To the blue friend: yo jere you feeling okay_  
To the blue friend: i know you dont deal with sickness very well and no one saw you at school  
To the blue friend: okay what the fuck it says youre reading these but youre not replying  
To the blue friend: if im allowed to go over to your place dont reply to this text in the text two minutes  
To the blue friend: alright it says you read it but youre not replying so im taking that as my invitation 

Jesus. What was up with him? Jeremy hadn't exactly doing good, but he'd been getting better. He smiled more, flinched less.

So why the hell wasn't he replying to Michael's texts?  


Michael send a quick text to everyone else asking if Jeremy was replying to them. The answer was a unanimous no, and one "I don't have his number" from Chloe, so there was that feeling of good and bad again. He sighed, turning the key in the ignition and getting ready to begin the journey to Jeremy's house.

His father's car wasn't in the driveway, so he just opened the door without knocking. They were basically on those terms now, considering, y'know, friends for 12 years and battling a robot together. As soon as he heard the door, Michael heard quiet music. The kind that was far away so that you could understand the melody but not the words. None of the lights were on."Jeremy...?" He called. "You didn't respond so now I'm here if you thought I was joking."

He wandered through the house, checking Jeremy's usual hangouts as he delved deeper into the house. The bathroom was unlocked and no one was in there, he wasn't in his room... okay, where the hell was this kid? "Jeremy, this isn't funny if it's a joke." The only response was the haunting melody that continued to play. Soon the only rooms he hadn't checked were the kitchen and the dining room. Oh fuck, yea! Jeremy was probably stress baking or something.

Michael jogged to the kitchen, waiting for the smells of baking products to hit him. It never came. The music, however, got louder. He stepped into the kitchen, cold light filtering in through the storm clouds beginning to brew outside. Jeremy was lying on the floor on his back, earbud wire trailing across the floor and wrapping around his arm like some kind of spindling parasite. He was singing along to whatever song was playing through the earbuds (one of the slower ones they found when the delved into the depths of YouTube music), staring at the ceiling blankly. Michael frowned.  
"Dude, there's no way that's good for you back problems." No reply. "Seriously, you told me lying flat on hard surfaces was bad for you." Jeremy continued to just sing along with his music. What the fuck?

Michael nudged Jeremy with his foot before crouching down next to his best friend. "Jeremy." He pulled out one of his earbuds. "Jeremy, what's up? You look like shit."

"'m listening to music."

"Yea, your depression mix. Bad Books, dude? You only listen to that shit when you're upset." Jeremy refused to meet Michael's eyes, apparently finding some crack on the ceiling _very_ interesting. "I'm worried, Jer. You can't just leave me to fend off social interaction by myself." Michael had meant it as a joke, but Jeremy visibly flinched. "Okay, that was obviously a bad move."

"It's fine."

"It's not."

"It's _fine_ , Michael. Give me back my earbud."

"Nope, we're having a feelings jam dude."

"A feelings jam?"

"Don't judge my outdated lingo."

" _Lingo_?"

"Shush, you." Jeremy didn't say anything to respond to this. He kept staring at the ceiling. It almost felt like the squip was back, blocking Michael from Jeremy's sight, but he was replying to him, so that was good. It was a long time until someone said something again.

"I stopped doing things." Jeremy whispered softly.

"Huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just..." His fingers drummed against the floor. "I just stopped doing things long enough to _think_."

"Isn't that good?"

"No."

"...Dude, I don't think it's very healthy to think of it like that."

"No, you don't get it." Jeremy tugged on the earbud cord, tightening its coils around his left arm, only seeming to further the point of it being like a parasite. "I've been keeping myself distracted with hobbies and people and school. I thought it was just normal shit, things that kept me happy, but then... but then I just _stopped_ long enough to finally _think_ and..." He pursed his lip. "I don't think it's good."

"What do you mean?" Michael asked slowly. He wasn't really liking the sound of this.

"I… I finally thought on what all of it _meant_. All the things the squip said, all the things I did..." Jeremy's breath seemed to catch in his chest. "All the things people didn't do."

“What do you mean?”

"They just... everyone let me turn myself into a _monster_. No one even did anything until my dad. My fucking dad, who's been negligent for years."

"Hey, I tried to help that night at the party."

"Did you Michael? Did you really?" Jeremy twisted his arm against the cord. "Did you try really hard to save me from that... that _thing_? How did your plan of just talking to the kid who was trapped in an abusive relationship work? Fucking _wonderful_ for both of us!" Michael was stunned into silence. Jeremy flinched again. "I'm sorry. I went too far."

"N-No, I get it." That didn't mean it didn't _hurt_. Maybe Jeremy did go too far. Or maybe it was just the pain in Michael's chest telling him that. He half expected Jeremy to lapse back into silence but the teenager seemed to be on a roll.

"And that's not the only thing my hell brain has been thinking of. Like, what's the point of life? Why are we just all milling around on this tiny blue speck, hoping we manage to make a difference on other people? And if only one of us does anything worthwhile, then what's the point of those other people? And if those other people don't have meaning, does that one person even have meaning? It's an endless cycle of worthlessness"

"Whoa, you're getting a little existential there."

"Am I?!" Jeremy rolled onto his side, curling into the fetal position. "I _can't stop thinking_ , Michael. I let myself loose a purpose and now it won't quiet down! I've been laying here all day just trying to get myself to shut up for just _one_ moment!"

"Jeremy, you're scaring me" Michael started reaching for him, but his hand shot back when a harsh spasm ran through Jeremy's body.

" _How do you think I feel?!_ " Jeremy clutched at his chest, eyes wild and hair falling into his face. Tears were welling up in his eyes. When he spoke again his voice was broken and quiet. "How do you think I feel about this."

Michael's hands were shaking. He could _feel_ Jeremy's paranoia seeping into his skin. "J-Jeremy, I don't know what to do."

"Welcome to the club."

No one seemed to have anything to say after that. Michael had traded crouching for sitting on his knees, and Jeremy was just laying on the floor, pulling the earbud wire tighter and tighter around his arm. Maybe he should do something to stop it, but he was kind of afraid of how Jeremy would react.

Should he call someone? Then again, who would he call? Who was stable enough that this hysteria wouldn't get to them? It certainly wasn't Michael, but it definitely wasn't any of their friends. Acquaintances? Fuck, Jeremy's overthinking was really beginning to catch on. He licked his lips, preparing to speak again.

"Hey, uh, Jeremy, maybe you shouldn't be listening to that sad music..."

"No!" Jeremy hissed and curled up even tighter. "If-If I don't have this, then there's nothing to distract me from from all of... _this_. From this meaning of life bullshit, or how much I hate myself, or _you_."

It was almost like a stab to the gut, the way he spat out the word "you". Michael tried not to take it personally. Jeremy was just really on edge right now, possibly delirious. Besides, Michael was already starting to freak out along with him. He didn't need more on his plate.

Michael inched closer. Okay, time to actually do something. Even if it was just to distracted himself. He carefully unwrapped the wire from around Jeremy's arm, moving slowly as if he moved to fast he might startle Jeremy into running away. Jesus, hated this.

Thankfully Jeremy didn't stop him from. By the time he was done, bright red rings were visibly running up pale skin. That was definitely going to bruise. Now the real question was how well those headphones worked.

"Sorry." Michael blurted out.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry for not trying harder in the first place."

Jeremy blinked. "I'm sorry I let the squip go that far."

"Dude, I get that, you've apologized like a million times at school." He sighed, and managed to pull up a weak smile. "We're both kinda fucked up."

"Yea." A pause. "I love you, Michael."

"Aw, dude, that's g-"

"Please just-! Don't joke right now. I just said it because I meant it."

Michael hesitated. He missed the times when they could joke about anything. "Yea. I get it. I love you too. I assume you don't mean romantically...?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. Is this really the time you think I'd be able to give you a straight answer?"

"Fair enough."

Jeremy silently offered the other earbud over to Michael. He sighed, laying down next to the pale and shaking teenager and accepting the device. That's how they spent the rest of the day, all the way up until Jeremy's father came home later from work. Listening to quiet, sad music and trying to distract their racing minds.

It wasn't over, but that was a thought for another day.

**Author's Note:**

> wHOOPS THAT WAS SAD. Oh well, it was in my drive, so now I'm posting it. Seriously though, guys. Acknowledge Michael's mistakes. It doesn't make him less likeable, it makes him a complex character.
> 
> Catch me on tumblr as latenightbutterfiies.


End file.
